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Heterosexual Life Partner (also known as Zan) made me feel a heck of a lot better about some of the issues I was having yesterday.
I was freaking the fuck out about my inability to handle responsibility, about how flaky I’ve been about everything lately, how I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle a real job or finish my degree or be an adult, how I’m not suited to do anything more than hide in bed all day and hope the money doesn’t run out.
And she was like, that’s bullshit, you skipped out on work because that job doesn’t matter to you. When you get a job that matters to you, you won’t skip out anymore.
And she’s right.
Like, my bartending job.
I wouldn’t skip out on it, not unless I was having a level-five panic attack, not unless I really couldn’t go. Because I like the people I work with, I care for them, I like my job, I like my customers, I feel like I do something meaningful there, even if its just pouring drinks for people.
Shit, imagine what it will be like when I actually find something I actually want to do, you know?
I can’t wait to feel as enthusiastic about something as I do for writing dumb little posts on this blog every day. If I find a job that I like half as much as being angry on the internet, I’ll probably die happy.
I’m currently in a similar brain loop. Got fired from my last temp job because it was a soul-sucking pit and I wasn’t shy about mentioning that at regular intervals. But I’ve had a job I loved and fought to never miss work for, even through massive anxiety attacks and the flu. I just have to remember such a thing can exist when I’m not in this weird immigration loop of not being able to work in my field(s) because of a temporary visa.
This was meant to be a supportive post but I think I got sidetracked. Sorry! My point is that I am so there with you and I really appreciate the last paragraph for the kick in the pants that I apparently needed to stop moping. You rock.
